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| Still Searching
A journey, as we all know, is traveling from one place to another. That being said, can one be on a journey without actually knowing their eventual destination? If we’re traveling from one place to another, wouldn't we have to define the eventual second "place" before departing? If not, wouldn't we just be wandering, nomadically roaming from place to place with the echo of U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" in the distance reminding us that we can't stop?
With my thoughts askew, and the world around me a blur, confusion and clarity ironically dance in unison inside of me. They weave a beautiful tapestry of serenity and unnerved feelings that bring more questions to the forefront of my mind. What am I looking for? Is whatever is waiting at the culmination of my journey waiting for me? The oddity of the unknown is that I desire it, I urn for it, I crave it like sustenance, but with no understanding of what it really is! However, I can say without hesitation that I don't want to let it go...I won't let it go! I’m out here, wandering, I pray not aimlessly, searching until the day our paths cross. You are worth every effort being made, and every ounce of sweat, blood and tear I shed fighting to find you. I bid you adieu my unknown heart’s desire, I’ll see you soon. | | |
| I can’t believe I’m turning…26?
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. All of a sudden, I can see my ten year high school reunion on the horizon, I’ve started saving to buy a house, and I care more about getting to bed at a decent hour than I do about how fast I can drink a beer. I can’t believe I’m already turning 26!! What happened to all the dreams and aspirations I had just a few short years ago. They have all taken a back seat to the all-consuming life that I have to live day to day. No time to raft the Colorado, or travel around Europe with my friends, or even start on my master’s degree. I have bills to pay, a future to think about, and a job that has become more of my life than my actual life is. Where did it go? Everything I saw my parents fail at was what drove me…so consumed with the end of the story of their life that they forgot to actually appreciate and live the duration of said life. I have so much time to stop moving so fast and close my eyes to actually breathe in all that is around me. I can fix this, and the way to do it is to stop trying to “do” and just start being. There’s nothing wrong with being driven and to have goals, but if it becomes all consuming, we’ll never know and appreciate all the beauty that is around us at this very moment. I have so much of that left in my life. I can’t believe I’m only turning 26!! | | |
| Two years and nothing to show
Today is my two year anniversary with my company. While this may not seem like a big deal, it is quite an amazing feat to me. If the average life expectancy for an American is 71 and (God willing) I live up to the law of averages, almost three percent of my life has just passed me by. Two years…that represents 7.69% of my life to date. Two years…that’s longer than I’ve ever worked at one place before. Two years, and what have I accomplished in that time. Two years…the half-life of a high school or college kid and a presidential term. Two years…a crucial point in the cognitive, verbal, social/emotional and physical development of a child. Two years, and what have I accomplished in that time.
There is a wonderful poem by Alexander Pope entitled, “Eloisa to Abelard” which speaks to, well, here is the first little bit of it (along with what is probably the most popular portion)…
In these deep solitudes and awful cells,
Where heav'nly-pensive contemplation dwells,
And ever-musing melancholy reigns;
What means this tumult in a vestal's veins?
Why rove my thoughts beyond this last retreat?
Why feels my heart its long-forgotten heat?
Yet, yet I love! — From Abelard it came,
And Eloisa yet must kiss the name.
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
This may not seem to have much to do with what has happened over the past two years, but it truly does. Life, even what seems to be a small inkling of a moment like two years, without the most important facet of what makes man tick can seem pointless. For no matter what I have accomplished in these past two years, I feel just as Eloisa does in this poem. Here’s hoping the next two hold more promise. | | |
| Value of self or self valuation?
In almost quarter-life crisis fashion, I began thinking the other day, what am I worth? Is my “worth” a product of what I am paid for services rendered, or is this merely society’s way of placing a value on an individual? If this is the case, and we are indeed measured solely on our salary plus benefits, I am sad to report, that I feel extremely undervalued. The recipe that directly correlates with this value is predicated on previous experience in the field in which we work plus our education plus our references. However, after looking at this formula, it occurs to me that the formula for which we “value” ourselves is askew. In a Maslovian way, I believe that instead of trying to place a dollar figure on our head to determine our value, it should be the content of our character that is the measuring stick. No more trying to value oneself, instead, a self valuation to remember what is truly important in life. For if we are truly to understand all that is important, a self-actualization must take place. However, in a world driven by vanity, does anyone know how to take the time and seek what is truly important? | | |
| Just a good person
I had an extremely interesting conversation with a friend yesterday. I haven’t seen her in about a month, and the context brought to light an interesting revelation. If I can take a moment to gloat a little, I have been working quite hard lately to lose weight. After seeing me for the first time in over a month, my friend commented on how good I looked. Now, I am in no way an egomaniac, so this isn’t a push for my greatness, instead, the focus is on the comment that followed. After remarking on my new look, she proceeded to say (and I quote), “no you aren’t just a good guy.” Forgive me for saying so, but as important as it is to be attracted to someone, eventually, there has to be more than the physical to carry a relationship. Shouldn’t we say to the people who were always good looking and just recently stopped being ass holes, “now you aren’t just good looking.” Shouldn’t my being a genuinely good person carry a hundred times more weight than the way I look? I wonder, when did being a good person take second seat to being good looking? | | |
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